It’s only all about him if you allow it to be all about him. Nothing you say or do or have someone say or do will make him drink or not drink – that decision if he makes it is all on him.
I personally believe that if an alcoholic is not working on their sobriety with outside help then they are working on a relapse, it’s only a matter of time before he drinks again, I hope you do realize that is a very good possibility seeing he’s just abstaining from booze but not getting help for the under lying issues.
If this were me, I would bring my kids and go to Thanksgiving dinner if he chooses not to come along then that is his choice. As for Christmas I would not change my original plans based on his mood today I would proceed as normal and if he chooses not to participate then he can sit in a room away from everyone or leave the house but again you, the children and the rest of the family can’t allow him to drive the bus to all of their holidays.
The situation might be different if he was actually working a strong program and this first holiday season in sobriety 's was a big trigger for him and heis unable to maneuver through them and asks for a pass because he feels he needs to be at AA meetings instead until he gets on stronger ground, then it would be understandable but that is not the case here.