These are the kind of threats my NPD parents would use to control others to bend to their will. (narcissistic personality disorder).
Threats like this make others walk on eggshells.
Threats like this make others guess what you're thinking , OR ELSE !!!
Threats like this make you wonder who has the power in the relationship.
Threats like this take away your power and make you feel powerless, worthless, and unloved.
I feel lousy reading this post and remembering what my parents used to do to us kids and each other around these family holidays. It's not really important stuff but it IS really important stuff. and it is angering to me that my mother or father could minimize this kind of gathering to bring attention to his own need for attention and self pity. But of course the Xmas dinner would come and go and all is back to normal ( WTF was all that noise about again?)
My mom tried to continue this kind of manipulation after my father had passed a few years ago and now NOBODY goes to her xmas dinner besides the one money scheeming daughter. any who . . . i digress.
my feeling when i read your post is just do it anyway, let hubby stew and babble away. If it has always happened then he is still expecting it not to change, just he's being a jerk, grumpy, moody... ignore it, employ the 'yes dear' tactic.
when my mom used to do this kind of nonsense my dad would ignore it and say ' mom is in a snitt' .... you use the word 'funk' which is good, kinda defines a temporary mood that is going to change to 'not in a funk' .. I'll bet in the next 6 weeks or so it will change to 'not in a funk'
IMO a big visit will rapidly change the mood from funk to not funk.