Hi fellas ... I don't know if I'm on board. I'm at Day 2 right now. I wrote this in Windy's thread so I might repeat myself, but:
Right now I'm not at my best or anything, but it's not that bad either. I don't have appetite and etc, super tired, pretty much the normal stuff.
I'm looking forward to be sober and feeling good again, but I also want to smoke ... even after all that I'm still playing around with the idea of moderation and occasional use, although that have failed every single time, including the last one. It would have been just Fridays and maybe weekends, or when I'm together with friends etc, something like a cheat day, you know. It worked for a little bit, but then I just didn't stopped after the weekend and went back to all day every day.
BUT - It felt like it could work .... maybe ...
I'm a little bit shaken right now, this excessive smoking is bad for me certainly, I've seen that, but also the idea of never ever doesn't appeal either. Well, it's the same battle as before.
Anyway, I think I need some good time off before I can even consider trying to moderate again, if that's possible.
Right now I feel so unsure about myself and everything. I want to smoke and I don't want to smoke ... or at least I don't want the bad effects smoking has on me.
I dunno I'm really torn apart.
I'm seeing a therapist and what she said is that the problem it's not about using, but about abusing. Yeah, if I could only moderate and smoke occasionally.
Anyway, it came a long post and I'm rambling a little bit.
For now, I'm on board.
Thank you!
