Still here. And it is just a really hard feeling to describe. Yes I hated myself when I was on drugs. I was depressed, stole from loved ones, and hurt alot of people just to get my next fix. For so long I forgot what it felt to feel anything, that I started to burn myself just to feel human again. One would think the physical scars I now have up and down my arm would be a reminder not to go back, but I would in a heart beat if I had another perscription. I have so much going now, a good job, a house, closer to God, and a loving family. Just the constant feeling like something is missing. Just one more pill..