He's gone
Just wanted to update all of you that took the time to reply to my original post.
He was found dead at his home on 30th October, he'd been dead for 3 days but alone in there for 6. He'd called his girlfriend to ask her to take him to hospital but she said she was busy. He called his sister on the Friday and couldn't talk properly and she just told him to call back when he could speak.
The initial autopsy result showed that his liver ruptured. Apparently he had been drinking two bottles of vodka a day in the last couple of months and smoking crack. The new girlfriend was an alcoholic and also smoked crack so he no longer had to moderate his use. Tox screens aren't back yet and inquest results can take upto 10 weeks but I'm told that in the last few weeks he was scoring heroin in his old haunts. He'd pushed anyone who didn't use out of his life.
A few weeks before we split he told me that if he ever started using again I'd never see him again as he knew he wouldn't make it through a heroin relapse, he told me it'd take days for him to get straight back to where he was before. He was right and now he's gone.
He spoke to his brother a few weeks ago and gave him my number and asked him, if anything happened to him to tell me he was sorry, that he didn't mean the things he said that he needed me out of his life because he didn't want me to see him go down.
I am beyond devastated, the sheer destructiveness of addiction is beyond my comprehension. I don't know how to handle this at all. I'm questioning if I could of done more, replaying our every conversation and especially the last time I saw him when we both said such awful things. I would do anything to take it back and now I'll never be able to.
Thank you for reading.
Brit