Well that's a lot more responses than I expected, so it is a bit hard to respond to all of them. I'll attempt to address most of it.
A few people mentioned using benzos to fight withdrawals - when I mentioned that I meant when I was quitting for more than a few days, like now, I'd get them to make sure I didn't get DT's. Two withdrawals ago I lost control of my body movements and my legs and neck and everything were out of control basically. Also not sure if it was DT's or alcoholic hallucinosis, but I had seen a woman's head outside my door on the ground staring in and had heard people talking and a lot of other things inside the house while all my roommates were asleep. The severe uncontrollable twitching lasted for an entire night, but the hallucinations went away. The last withdrawal my heart rate went insane and I called an ambulance feeling like I was dying. So the only times I do benzos is when withdrawal is severe. In the past, before these experiences I had gone on two day binges and quit without medical attention.
The almost-a-handle-a-day thing, that was when I was drinking morning to night, wake up, down a ton of shots, pass out, wake up a few hours later and repeat. But that was mostly when I was able to wake up sober after a large binge and feel mostly fine. Though, that continued later and I started drinking to get rid of the hangover instead of just drinking to fall asleep again.
Honestly I don't want to quit completely, especially not literally for the rest of my life (25 years old, Thomas mentioned age), but you guys seemed to have answered my big question as well as you can so it looks like I am ****** and have to try at least :/
P.S. I forgot to mention, about 3 years ago I did have a 7 month sobriety period after using Librium for about 12 days. At the moment I've been sober since September 30th, fun ER trip, and was on Librium for about 22 days and tapered myself off of the pills. Doctors wanted me to do one every 4 hours for about a month around then and I had gotten it down to one every 24/hrs Fun how I force myself to avoid getting hooked to pills but booze is just a different story
