One day your children may know some or all of the details of what you went through and what addiction did to you.
And one day they may also know how incredibly beautiful your recovery story is.... how blessed you and they are for your recovery.
Working on stepwork and / or getting connected to a good therapist to work on letting go of shame is something I’d suggest. We were different people in active addiction. That doesn’t excuse the things we did, but we need not carry that person we were along with us throughout our lives.
Congratulations on 5 years free from addiction. Keep at it, keep deepening your life. Rather than overcome these emotions, welcome them as signs pointing you to the areas of recovery you still have opportunity to grow and heal and transcend.
These stories of where we were and how far we’ve come will be gifts to our children one day. They will be opportunities to teach and lead and help them understand about addiction and recovery. They will be opportunities to be raw and honest and close to our children. They will be opportunities to show we are human and to show the way to deal with mistakes and failings through growth and faith and personal responsibility. Don’t fear these emotions or your past. Welcome the goodness they bring the the richness and depth of your life in the now.