Hello and welcome to you. I think Berrybean said it better than I can, but yes, finding something like what you did would put most of us in a bad space mentally. It is very painful to go back and think about what we did while drinking or using and to have it all there in black and white, full-on details would be tough to read. I do agree with her that one way to turn this around would be to focus on how far you have come. To read something like that and go back to that time you can clearly see what a bad place you were in, think of where you are now and the progress you have made.
Kids are very resilient. Our actions have consequences and I know that I did harm my children while drinking, but I also know that we are in a very good spot now and they love and trust me now. They turned the page rather quickly- much more quickly than the adults in my life. However, if I were to go back to drinking- or you to using- we would harm our kids again. They deserve every happy day we can give them and we can only give them happy days if we are sober, of that I am convinced.
Congratulations again on your recovery, I hope to see you around SR.