New Here or I Think I Am
I didn’t start drinking until I was 35 years old. Then I started drinking wine. It got pretty bad where I was drinking three bottles a night. Then I stopped and had two kids. So now I have been actively drinking for about eight or nine years. I managed to stay off alcohol approximately seven months. Then I had a big party where they had alcohol. I didn’t drink that night but the next night I went down and saw that alcohol and drank. I was again doing it all night. I would drink those strong sweet drinks like four Loco. I don’t remember how many I would drink a night. I think I got to three. I wrecked my car once and someone saw me followed me home and sent the police. I was lucky that night, but I know now that God saved me a lot of times. I have now become a binge drinker. I go on 5 to 7 day binges. I can drink a fifth of vodka a night. I’ve been hospitalized probably five times. All alcohol related. I don’t know what it is with me I’ll get angry and I’ll go get drunk. I’m definitely had it for the grave or jail. I also abuse prescription drugs opioids, but I never mix the two. I might drink five days, abuse a supply of opioids for 10 days. The rest of the month I survive with Kratom. However I don’t binge with liquor every month. I never ask for my opioids to be filled early, but I know they look at me. I just came off a binge. I believe the opioids Help with withdrawals. I have severe anxiety, insomnia, some visual distortions (minor) and hearing humming. It usually lasts two or three days (five for the insomnia and anxiety. My problem, I can’t do rehab, AA or anything public. If I did rehab, I’d have to self-pay and not involve insurance. That’s hard as I have no one to watch my kids. Trust me those are not options, so don’t mention them. I’d lose my job immediately and then my insurance, so I wouldn’t be able to do rehab anyway. I’m looking into AA (online) and doing some work, meditation and meeting with people for support. Anyway, hello all!