Thank you for your post Tobrien0817,
I can feel your pain especially when you talk about the dead of your father to cancer. I experienced that (someone i loved very much died of terminal cancer when i was 20) and blamed and auto destroyed myself for many years over that.
Alcohol is a depressant everything is sadder and more dramatic while you are on that frame of thinking. face to face support is very important it has helped me.
meeting other people hearing their stories knowing that it can be done is powerful specially because drugs and alcohol has changed the way we think our thinking is screw.
you are so young get out now before some bad things start to happen I'm sure your dad would love to see you are well. i wish you well I'm rooting for you.
please keep posting SR is a great place.