Hi and welcome Tobrien
I;m very sorry for your loss and the circumstances in which that happened.
You have a number of things in your favour tho - chiefly that you're young - however deep you feel the hole is, you have every chance in the world to make it out into the sun again and live a long and happy life
Many of us were twice your age before we quit.
Of course support helps and you'll find a lot of that here
also - if you feel you need medical assistance, take it. I'd much rather be slightly embarrassed than very ill, or worse.
D