i tried to drink away my past,too. not until i got sober did i realize it never worked. if it did, i wouldnt have had to keep doing it.
when i got sober, i started working on me- learning what makes me tick and why i did what i did. it was much deeper than,"because i was drinking."
some words from a book i was using hit me like a ton of bricks:
No words can tell of the loneliness and despair I found in that bitter morass of self-pity. Quicksand stretched around me in all directions. I had met my match. I had been overwhelmed. Alcohol was my master.
then i found a new master- one that could help me solve my problems- not only with alcohol, but with the internal mumbling mayhem,too.
after i learned that, i went out and made amends were i could-cleared away the wreckage as best i could.
after that i was able to look the world in the eye. my past no longer haunts me and im ok with it.
because im not that man any more