It seems that financial is one of the big issues that keeps you tied tightly to the sinking anchor of the alcoholic. You say today she is a functioning alcoholic still working and providing the family with the health insurance, but we all know how quickly functioning can turn to non-functioning which then turns to loss of income and benefits.
I personally feel that getting ahead of the possible financial pit falls by working towards a solution today is always better then scurrying about frantic when the worst-case scenario hits.
Selling a home, downsizing, putting any equity away to pay for health insurance and health issues should that need arise. Talking with an attorney to see what finances you might be able to protect for yourself and your children in a divorce. Selling a business and working for someone else who can provide benefits. When we choose to stay with an active alcoholic who is not interested in seeking help and we have tied our financial future around them, we need to take our own responsibility for our own chooses and then make some rather uncomfortable ones.
I think if al-anon is not doable for you then how about counseling for you and your daughter, I’m sure the counselor would understand your need to bring a 3 year old along.