I do exactly the same thing. I dont think friends have seen me sober. I am a fun chatty person with drink and im scared they wont like the quiet nervous person without it who stumbles on words and is a nervous wreck constantly trying to impress people. I feel like 99% of the world are confident chatty people and 1% are shy. All i meet are confident people and my counsellor says they might have anxiety too but i would rather their form of anxiety any day over mine. At least they come acrosssocialable. Im sick of deinking and worrying about even leaving the house. Im about to quit my job i cant take it anymore. I just want to feel normal and not worry about pathetic things and if im liked or not!