Mc,
I am truly sorry for the pain you are in with your aw. I understand that you posted to vent.
Just seeing the way you talk, you are so angry, mad at the world. I know you don't feel that you have choices in life, but you do, we all do. Have you ever thought how your life could be so much better divorcing your wife? I am sure if we asked a question of every spouse who went through a horrific divorce with an addict, is your life better and was it worth the excruciating pain. I bet nearly 99% would say it was. When you live with an addict, life never gets better, only progressively worse. If you divorced, eventually it does get a little better. It part of the hitting rock bottom and going up. With an addict, we only live at rock bottom.
I know you have come accustomed to aw driving intoxicated with your children in the car. You stated that dd17 told you and you and that was one of the reason she left.. I am shocked that the day care workers don't call the cops on her if they smell alcohol on her breath. You could imagine what that attorney bill and insurance bill would cost if she got a dui. It will get worse. I to would seek an attorney, (my first visit was free. ) Educate yourself about your rights. I think you might be surprised with what options are out there for you. I would document everything regarding her drinking, this will help your case if you did eventually go to court. You also have dd17 to validate what you had said, and that she feared for her and her brothers safety.
I wish you peace and serenity and I am truly sorry.