Originally Posted by
sapphire69 
For my stbxah, he cannot handle emotion, that is why he drinks (my own perception after 10 years). When he wanted to emotionally connect with me his answer was sex. For the longest time that worked for me. Then I figured out that for me, in order to have sex, I needed the other emotional stuff first or the feelings just weren't there. Losing the emotional connection and realizing that he was undependable when I needed him was what got me taking care of me.
This post has resonated with me. I have been married 32 years to what I call a functioning alcoholic and in the past 5 years more like being married on paper. The emotional connection is destroyed. I'm so tired of him coming home drunk after work, being sarcastic to me at the drop of a hat then next day him thinking sex makes it all go away without an Im sorry. Never admit he had more than one drink.
People who don't want to change for the better wont. I got a statement from him the other day if I wanted to go to therapy for coping skills he would go with me. Like as if I'm the one with the problem and his meaness when drunk is what I am to cope with! I shook my head no. I'm so tired of being emotionally hurt by him. The whole time in the conversation he has his hand covering a glass of wine! I'm at the point my coping skill is to disconnect and stay away from him. Seems to be working for me! He only comes home to sleep in another room and I don't have to be hurt anymore! Works for me! Do you have a better solution?