Needabreak

This statement you made feels very manipulative to me, in a slippery, codependent way.

You treat others the way you want to be treated, not out of the goodness of your heart, but because you then expect them to treat you the same way.

Well, this woman is NOT treating you the way you would want to be treated, unless you have some inner self-hatred and need to be hurt, which could be the case, I guess.

But you seem to think that if you just keep treating her good, sending pretty puppy pictures and good thoughts -- if you're just good good good, so good, such a good, emasculated man who overlooks being cheated on -- she will come around to seeing how good you are and start treating you good too.

Did you have this kind of a relationship with your mother, where she would reward you and love you for being good? Maybe a better word than good would be behaving well. Or complying with her demands.

Dysfunction begins in our families. The rest of the world doesn't always work by the same rules that we grow up with in our families, and many of our codependent issues arise because of this.

I may sound cutting in this post, but your current state resonates with my own codependent past. Many of my own codependent issues arose due to a narcissistic father and an overdeveloped need to be the people pleasing little girl who wanted to please everybody. Going thru hell with an addict, led me to understanding that my people pleasing needs had left me vulnerable. Because of my blind spots, I had volunteered for unhappiness and misery. Overcoming my faulty childhood programming was a huge part of my own work in recovery from codependence.

Frankly, when you're an adult, no one really cares whether you are good (in the sense that you describe above) or not. Except for addicts and narcissists. Who see a manipulable person who they can groom to enable them.