Originally Posted by
GoodguyJoel 
As for the puppy picture, there was no alterior motive to manipulate or rub in her face what she is missing, I just wanted to send a simple positive thought.
Straight talk - this is BS. I believe you consciously told yourself that you just wanted to send her positive thought, but come on. I assume she loved/loves this dog. Is a really cute photo of the dog, whom she hasn't seen in a couple of months and won't see ever again unless she interacts with you, a positive thought? Or would it just make her miss the dog more and feel even worse?
Subconsciously, this was a power play temptation on your part, and I'm glad you didn't give into it. She loves the dog. You control the dog. The only way she can see the dog again is by interacting with you. Your brain thought it'd be a good idea to remind her of this so that it'd increase the odds that she'd come back to you.
You say you're trying to avoid circular thinking, but I think you're so set on a certain narrative and self image that you aren't able to process and move forward.
As others have said, please seek out Al Anon and/or aggresive therapy.