Hi b0gler. I haven't been on this forum long; just a few months. But what I've read and learned in that time - which is PLENTY - tells me a couple of things about your post. Most important, methinks, is that you admit to having a problem with the sauce; that you have no control over it once you drink, and its effect on you is not just harmful, but shameful and denigrating. And that you really want to leave it, permanently this time.
As far as I'm concerned, you have already taken the first few steps towards doing just that - leaving alcohol altogether - permanently. One: by admitting your problem. Two: by wanting to leave it. Three: by asking for help, and four: by joining this SR forum.
Unlike you, I believe I can do it by myself; without the help and support of AA and other related groups, but definitely with the help of God, and - very important - the support of friends and fellow-forum members on SR. And please don't misunderstand me - I hear and believe AA is great, if it works for you, by all means use it for all its worth, as often as you can. It's just not for me, for several reasons.
However you decide to go about addressing/solving your addiction, though, I wish you the best of luck, and many, many years of sobriety ahead.