b0glerd69

Hi everyone. I posted an introductory thread on the wrong page so I thought I would come here and introduce myself, my alcohol problem and look for advice on the way forward.

I am a 48 yr old male from Scotland, UK. I have been drinking heavily since I started in my late teens. I have had numerous problems over the years from my drinking resulting in numerous blackouts, failed relationships, time in Police cells, numerous embarrassments at social and work events and deep hungover depressions.

Since around turning 40 I have been more acutely aware of my alcoholism and I have gone for long spells sober. It's difficult for me to provide exact figures but taking this year as an example, I have consumed alcohol on only 4 occasions and even when I limit my intake to this extent I still find that I cannot drink responsibly/normally.

My most recent mortifying incident was on Monday night, this week at a work event. It was a training course followed by a free bar for 2 hours afterwards. Needless to say, I was far drunker than all my colleagues at the end of the night and apparently told my colleagues to 'f*** off' and tendered my verbal resignation, twice! Nice, eh?

The upshot of my latest relapse has been a week or shame and fear, the same old feelings over and over and actually I am so furious at myself as my performance ay work has been very good, I am on track for promotion and everything was looking good. It has literally been months since I last drank. I attend one-night featuring alcohol and BOOM.

So, I'm now ready to seek support. My recovery up to this point has been self-sustained and as I have mentioned has been over long periods of time. Basically, my alcoholism has been untreated. From the reading I have done I don't consider myself to be alcohol-dependent but I am definitely unable to control my drinking and therefore alcoholic.

What I wanted to ask those more experienced in recovery is what support or recovery strategies do you think would be best for someone like me who is not alcohol dependent but sill alcoholic. Should I go the CBT road or AA? I have never attended an AA meeting before but I'm ready to take the step.

I realise with some terror that I'll never defeat the disease unless I admit it fully and publically and ask for support. I have tried so hard, over a long time (years) on my self-sustained recovery but I need the final push and the support to give it up for good.

Thanks for hearing my story and I thank you for all of your posts on the disease that we all fight together. Some of your stories bring tears to my eyes as I can relate on such a deep level.

God bless. b x