Old 10-27-2017, 10:53 AM
  # 94 (permalink)  
GoodguyJoel
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 109
Hi everyone,

Thank you again for all the great comments and thoughts. OhioDad, thank you for asking how I am. I am doing ok. Since she is back, I have not heard from her, and nor have I attempted to reach out. In light of this, I have been pursuing the same path I was on as though she isn't here. Meaning that I am still doing my individualized things. Including working hard on my Thesis and analysis, working, playing with the dog and walking him a lot, spending time with my new friends, working out, cleaning up the house and making it more homely for me, and still talking frequently with family, my counselor, and my Al Anon group.

I am going to a Halloween party tonight, so that should be uplifting and worth a few good laughs. But, regarding the potential interaction I will have with my Aex, I am going to take plenty of time tomorrow to put my thoughts together, and try to establish exactly what I will say to her, when or if I do talk to her. This is for my own protection and so I don't let emotions take over and lose sight of my wants/needs.

The step father texted me asking if we can briefly talk regarding just letting me know what is going on for the past two days. I said sure, so I will get that call sometime today. In all fairness, the severity of the issue of seizures has me worried for her, and at a minimum, I would just like to know she is ok. Also, I am assuming he will tell me her state of mind, and what the plan is going forward (treatment/no treatment...etc). At this point, it isn't as painful to speak about her, but rather just mind boggling to see what we were only a few months ago, and now she has turned into this. The reality as we all know is that this is a progressive disease, and what she is experiencing is still in the precontemplative state...I'm just surprised she has stayed there for so long.

Bob4x4, I read through almost the entire book last night that you recommended regarding the sociopath next door. Without quickly jumping to conclusions, it is very evident that many people around us (in every day life) lack this developed conscience. I do find the material compelling, and can certainly see why you would recommend it. I do think there is lots of overlap with her behavior and will talk about it with a professional.

My assumption at this stage is that everything she is doing when it comes to her decision making over the last year or so has turned to dust. She was initially one of those people who would be able to turn anything to gold, but with the regression, it appears she can't keep anything together. IF she is contemplating sobriety or pursuing help, I imagine she may actually be seeing the impact around her of her decisions...including how much of it was reliant on the use of alcohol (meaning poor choices made on alcohol). Not thinking straight, and showing all 4 types of "R's" in the precontemplative state.

Lastly, I do agree that giving her alcohol may have been the safest route at that point. I had to cancel our health insurance because of this, so I imagine she is without at the moment. I may have forgot to mention that she was going to see her neurologist yesterday (from what I was told), so maybe this is a first step at her mother attempting to help her first check her health, then try to find a next step towards sobriety. But I would be curious to know if she is drinking right this instant or not. I would assume so since she can't just stop cold turkey.

So, any other good readings anyone may feel is relevant? I have been looking up how to communicate with an active alcoholic to avoid conflict in preparation for talking with her eventually. I have a sneaking feeling I may come home one day, and she may be sitting on my porch. It is very real now that she is back in town...she just doesnt have her car at the moment.

So, please feel free to recommend any other thoughts or ideas, as you can clearly see I am gaining from all of your collective insight. For which I am grateful.
GoodguyJoel is offline