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Old 10-26-2017, 11:17 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Gottalife
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
 
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by Amnesiac View Post

I do have a question for you: would I have to do the entire 5th step over again - it took me 5 hours to do it with the last gentleman I did it with.
I can't give you a direct answer on that. I can give you some experience from the big book, which seems to suggest that more than one person may be permissable if the person you are doing the step with may be hurt by a part of it. Such parts should be shared with someone else, we have no right to save ourselves at someone else expense.

"We must be hard on our self, but always considerate of others"

Now I will give you some opinion based in my experience. I draw the distinction because my opinions have no track record in getting people sober. Use or discard at your discretion.

The one thing I really feared about the fifth step was facing the whole mess. Up to the point that I joined this program which demands rigorous honesty, I had been quite skilled at minimising issues.

So, when someone confronted me about a wrong I had done, I would only own up to and acknowledge what I thought they knew about. I would never, could never, tell an individual about the whole sorry picture. You could say that my drinking days encompassed a kind of piecemeal 5th step with all kinds of people as they caught me out. But of course there were somethings which no one knew, and I hoped would never see the light of day.

I had a tremendous amazing, unexpected experience with step five as it turns out. I chose very carefully who would hear it, and I left nothing out. I don't believe I would have got that result if I had spread it around different people. That would still allow me to minimise in the eyes of others. "If I only tell you a bit, then you wont think I am as bad as if I told you the whole story" kinda thinking.

It is a big leap of faith, and I cant over-emphasise the need for care in choosing the right person. But the results were stunning.
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