Goodguy.....I know that you are suffering terribly. I don't expect you to accept this or "get over it" any time soon. Grief takes it's own time. I, also, realize that you can't absorb very much of what is being said to you, right now. (though you may remember it later, and use it)....
Grieving occurs in 24hr. segments at a time. Many, many tear stained days.
Over time, it will settle down. Like the tidal waves coming on to crash on the shore, then receding back again to calmer waters. The crashing waves will start to come less frequently, and will not last quite as long....
One must regard each 24hrs. as a victory, and a little bit closer to the end.
I was like you for 6months...for the worst part.....
You cannot get around this....you must, like all humans...let yourself be carried through it. This is Mother Nature's healing plan.
As one member here, said...."I thought people died before they suffered this much"....She lived through it...and, the sun did shine for her again.
It will for you too.
I hope you can use the techniques that I described for you...I did those and they gave me merciful relief....