i think scared can be good, if we use it to motivate ourselves to change.
drinking isn't gonna get you anywhere. never does. not in one single member's story here, of the thousands, has drinking brought about true happiness, joy, contentment or peace. it's a big dead end.
fortunately there are solutions. there are lots of manners and methods to get sober and stay sober. it's a matter of seizing onto one and not letting go no matter what.
the secondary issue with concern about weight gain is best handled with a trained professional, as there is more going on that just what the scale says. you can also safely explore the dichotomy of being very concerned about image, yet at the same time ingesting alcohol that is sure to destroy you over time. there ARE keys to those locks and you can find them.
it will require willingness. honesty. openmindedness.