Well, you lot have been busy while I'm been snoring away here in the UK. Lol.
Iamme, welcome. This place has gone a long way to helping me stay completely sober and (mostly) sane these past 3.5 years. This place and the folks at AA.
My other half didn't understand the need for me to get completely sober either (he still drinks pretty heavily, and didn't want to lose his drinking buddy - besides, I didn't really explain a lot of things to him. )
There is no judgement here. Or at AA. Please do stick around and keep reading and posting, and reach out for help locally at your doctors surgery and AA. I remember being amazed at what a massive recovery community there was, and how welcoming they were. It's like Harry Potter pushing through at platform 9 & 3/4 isn't it. At my first few meetings this was overwhelmingly apparent to me - so much so that it made me sob like a child. I had felt to isolated for so long, and actually had never really believed that anyone felt like me, or would understand me. Then suddenly all these other people were there who DID!! And who wanted ME to keep coming back. I still find it amazing that in most towns and cities across the world there are groups of alcoholics qietyly meeting up each week (or daily in some places) to share their experience, strength and hope with others, including strangers who want to get sober. Getting sober and working on my recovery here and in AA really has restored my faith in human nature. I have met so many kind people, and experienced so much love along the way.
I'll be praying for you to lean into that fear and get the help that can help you turn things around. The help you deserve.
All the best for your sobriety and recovery.
BB