You know what Akasha, you are not going to like this answer... you just kind of have to get through it. It sucks, it absolutely sucks, but it is possible. But again this is why I am recommending you get some face to face help. I hear you when you say that making sure your family knows is absolutely crucial. But they want you alive and well more than anything, so you have to be willing to reach out if it gets to that point. I went to rehab too and would do anything in the world to avoid going back, but if it had to be done I would do it. Before going to rehab though I did go to a drop in center for addiction. This is when I was still trying to keep everything super quiet and private. I had to navigate around parking and getting int he door without anyone seeing me but it was in an area of town where that wasn't an issue, I just made sure to not park directly in front of the door, things like that. So again, google if there is anything like that in your area. There they will have doctors, psychiatrists and psychologists to help you. Depending on where you are it is often free. I'd start there if I were you.
When you are at home you have to find ways to deal with the rage and the outbursts and the emotional roller-coaster. This requires breaking this behaviour down and thinking about it very methodically. It is one thing to think about withdrawals and recovery in this huge, overwhelming sense. It is another to break it down and really think about tasks you can do to deal with it. Bit by bit you chip away at it.
Take for example cravings or sudden bursts of anxiety, fear or other intense emotions. There are things you can do to deal with those feelings. Hang with me here, this all sounds a bit, well, dumb, but the thing about it is you don't even have to believe in it for it to work. It is just plain science, medical stuff, it just works because that is how your brain works.
A couple of things help with intense burns of emotion and cravings are a part of that.
Temperature. A sudden, drastic change in temperature can help level you out. If you have one of those sleeping mask things, wet it and then put it in the freezer. Pull it out in a moment of stress and put it over your eyes. OR take an ice cold shower for as long as you can stand it. OR repeatedly and in a constant pattern splash cold water over your face.
Increased blood flow. Do something high impact and strenuous for several minutes. Run in place as fast as you can. Lift very heavy weights (safely, remember correct posture!) Go for a run outside or a fast walk. if you walk make sure to really push yourself, the goal here is a quick increase in blood flow.
Breathing. Breathe in for 3 seconds and then out for 6 seconds, completely emptying your lungs.
This is just an immediate, band-aid solution. It does not deal with deeper issues. So, that said, those issues need to be addressed. If you don't have an addiction center near you there are surely psychologists near you. Do you have the means to see a therapist. That is 100% confidential. Absolutely no way your family will find out if you do not want them to. I have been known to go into therapy almost threatening like stating clearly in the first appointment how much my privacy means to me and insisting that they assure me that what I say there stays there. That is a given, it is how therapy works, but I want to hear them say it out loud.
Lastly, I want to point out some things that you said. In one post you said that your parents sent you to rehab for a year, that you didn't decide to go on your own and that you didn't really want to be there. Now, in this recent post you said that you had violent outbursts when you had to deal with the entrapment and the powerlessness of having to stay sober. Read that back for me before going on. Read it again. Do you see where I am going? To me it sounds kind of legitimate that you would have violent outbursts, feelings of entrapment and powerlessness- YOU were not the one who decided to go to rehab, YOU did not make the choice to quit. Thankfully after time something clicked because you did quit and stayed quit for quite some time. But that first, major pass was totally out of control. Do you think some of those feelings of rage, entrapment and powerless could be due to the fact that you were actually, in every sense of the word, trapped and powerless? this time is different. YOU came here to seek help. YOU want to quit. YOU are making the choice to get better. I dare say that those feelings will be much less this time as you are not actually trapped not powerless. All the power is within you, the one person choosing to quit.