Originally Posted by Meraviglioso

Hi and welcome to you. I am so sorry you are going through this.
One thing that stands out from your post is that you say that God came and saved your life 6 years ago and you got clean. To me this sounds as if it was a very positive event in your life. I know that getting sober was a very positive event for me, so I relate to that. Now you describe yourself as being afraid and alone and sound very miserable. Again I relate because when I use my drug of choice (alcohol) I am MISERABLE. But then you say you are afraid to quit because of the withdrawals and then dealing with having to fight off all the cravings and urges. I suspect you are afraid to be without the meth in that you use it to just drown out life. But can withdrawal and fighting urges be any worse than you have it now? You know what it is like on the other end of that. You DO get through withdrawal, even if it is the most awful thing you ever have to go through. You CAN fight off those cravings when they come. Life is much better sober- and here's the kicker- even when it sucks. All my problems didn't magically vanish when I got sober. In fact I'm having to face a lot of them head on and work on cleaning up messes I avoided for years by drinking. But even having to deal with all that it is still better sober.
I feel for you so much, I wish I could be there in person and give you a hug and shake you by the shoulders and tell you to wake up and do something about this. Because God knows you are strong, you say you don't feel that way but anyone who can kick meth and stay sober for 6 years is incredibly strong, stronger than the majority of the rest of the population.
You can do this but you know how it goes, you have got to make that decision and just go for it. Yeah, it is going to suck a## for a while, but you know that passes, you know it does. You can then get to work on moving forward. Can you get in with a doctor or psychologist to start putting a plan into place to help you address your sober life and work on tactics to help fight urges and cravings so that you never, ever have to wind back up here again? Is going to rehab again an option?

We're here with you. Please, recognise your awesome strength.