Hello
I have just completed 2 years sober, and I have to say that I have never felt worse.
The magical improvement after giving up drinking that is talked about everywhere within and outside the recovery community has just never happened for me.
In fact, quite the opposite is the case.
I am more depressed, anxious, and unable to function than I have ever been in my life.
For 30 years, I used alcohol as a kind of "rocket-fuel" to take me out of myself and push me to engage with life, and for a long time it definitely helped: I am certain that I would never have achieved the professional, relationship, travel and musical goals that I have done without it.
But it was killing me, so I gave it up. And now it is like I have ceased to exist. I cannot relate to my wife or anyone else, I am totally incapable of playing music, writing, or even leaving the house for the most part.
I am receiving intensive pharmacological and psychological treatment for depression and anxiety, all to no apparent avail.
I do not mean to detract in any way from the improved lives of everyone else who has embraced recovery - it just hasn't been the case for me.
And I have absolutely no idea what to do about it.