Originally Posted by
August252015 
Agree.
I don't believe in "slips." It was a relapse. At almost 20 mo - if I had one drink, half a drink even - it would be a relapse. For me, it would also mean death. I don't have another chance in me.
And that's the big thing - whatever we call it, starting over and having another real chance to get sober is NEVER a guarantee.
Do take what you learned - in all ways, including WHY you drank. And start again, perhaps trying different things, more things, etc this time.
I hope you make this your last start.
Yes, it was a relapse. There's no need to beat yourself up, or to need to clarify why you did it, or even feel bad about it if you're not ready to quit. Whether to drink or to get sober are your choices to make.
But I do think it's important to be honest about something so serious. I don't know the extent of your problem, maybe you aren't at your bottom yet.
You have every right to make different choices than a commitment to sobriety. Goodness knows I have made other choices for a very long time.
But you are not sober, and you don't sound like you want to be. Be clear with the choices you are making. Then; though I am hoping this won't be the case, if you find yourself in a very bad place you will know exactly why, and you will know what needs to be done. There are lots of people here posting "I don't know why I drank, why can't I quit," and it's because they haven't gotten sober.
With whatever choices you make, please be careful. Alcoholism, if that's what you have, is not like anorexia. Giving up all alcohol is not extreme. Plenty of healthy, well balanced people do not drink at all. There is no impairment to health or psychological well being when alcohol is given up, it's the opposite. When food is given up, people become insane from lack of protein and vitamins, and starve to death. So giving up drinking feels extreme (especially to drinkers!) but it is not, and it is quite the opposite of anorexia.
If you do have alcoholism, there is no moderation of drinking. Any and all drinking leads eventually to a binge or a bender, and usually several of them back to back for weeks, months or years. If you do not have alcoholism, you will find it easy to moderate your drinking, and 40 days between drinks will be effortless.
Above all, be safe.