Joel, my heart goes out to you. I know the pain of the loss of a four year relationship that was close to marriage.
Have to tell ya, I grieved that loss for almost two years. Oh, how I loved that man.
Now, after a few years, I count my blessings that we did not marry, because of some things I have learned about him AND myself since our breakup. (He tried to get us back together.)
As painful as things are now, YOU WILL BE OK!
NOW, as for you, today, I suggest that you
Please pay attention to the wise words that have been written to you in this and your first thread. Read the information that you have been guided to, and stay or get into some counseling.
Focus on completing your PhD, and learn more about yourself and the people you are attracted to (and why).
Also, I suggest preparing and rehearsing a little statement to reply to your EX should she ask to come back. And she might.
Something like, "Wow, we have BOTH been through a lot. Can I get back to you in two days?" Get prepared to set some boundaries with her. Before you answer her, allow the logical, cognitive part of yourself to honestly review her (and your) past histories and the information you have and continue to learn about alcoholism, narcissism, personality disorders. Use your mind to help you with your decision that will involve your heart (your emotional self). Prepare to respond to her (taking care of yourself), instead of reacting to her (taking care of her).
And if she doesn't come back to you,
Well.....chances are very good that this outcome is the best scenario for YOU!
I wish you good luck with your studies, (Soon to be Dr. Joel), your upcoming new job. And life (if things go well), (It is a choice right now, with you and your EX) *without* a partner with active alcoholism or an incurable personality disorder. Because life with an alcoholic or someone with a personlity disorder can be - IS very difficult.
This is your life - remember that every decision you make has a consequence (or consequences.)