One other thought:
One of her best girlfriends told me she made this decision sober in the 30 day program. That we have to accept that. But honestly, for a person who has affected their brain and thinking process so deeply due to alcohol, do you think she was actually thinking straight? How could she view me as toxic? Is it more likely that she came across this guy, saw shared understanding of addiction, shared “mommy problems”, connected at some level which turned into feelings, and due to the affects of alcohol, her decision making ability would be flawed and she saw this genuinely as a good choice? To leave with another addict?
I ask this because although the decision was made in sobriety. It seems so brash and unforgiving. She never expressed true unhappiness in the relationship. Sure all relationships hit bumps, and I admit I did things wrong (like spending money on things I wanted to do and take up a new hobby. I spent quite a bit to do so, and when she found out how much exactly, she wasn’t very happy. I told her it was my way of coping with her alcohol use, that I needed to find something for me to get positively involved in). I didn’t intentionally keep it from her, and openly showed her and discussed it frequenty, because the hobby was all around us, she was just never sober enough to see what was going on around her.
Even with that being said, I don’t think many of the problems I created were enough for a person who loves someone to get past, or work through. I even apologized saying I’m sorry, and thought she knew. But the resentment may have been strong...or the narcissism of me not spending that money on her. However, I was planning a trip for us when she got out, and was just about to pay for the booking of the wedding location. I told her this after this all happened and it feels like it didn’t matter to her.
Again, my dilemma, did I do wrong here, or is she distorting things to ensure her decision to do what she is doing is justified. Does anything short of abuse justify these actions? I never could harm a fly, and was always so gentle, loving, and thoughtful towards her...reminding her each month on the day of our first date (our monthaversary) with flowers and a card or some candy saying I love you. Simple things like this go a long way, and she would reciprocate it.
This is why I can’t understand the choice to run off. Or the choice to cheat on me. She even continued doing all these kind things after she apparently cheated on me. She was heavy in alcoholism and it seems like an emotional swirl. Likewise when she went to rehab.
Any thoughts?