Originally Posted by
WritingFromLife 
Forward is definitely the right direction; however, be careful. I can totally understand your line of thinking--for me, that would be dangerous. I would be subconsciously giving myself permission to "slip" again, as I can always "move forward" the next day. I have to recognize it for what it is, counting days or not.
Originally Posted by WritingFromLife View Post
Here's Me:
Sober for a stretch, then out of the blue, have a glass of wine or two with dinner. That's not so bad. Here is a post I did on another thread. Hope it helps shed some light on what I mean.
Next Day - no alcohol
Next day--I will get just one regular size bottle on my way home. I don't have to drink it all. I probably won't even open it.
Next day---see, there's still wine in the bottle! That evening-I have to get groceries-I will grab another bottle-seems this is okay. I don't feel bad at all. I can do this! Plus, it will give me a white wine buzz so I will have energy to organize the study!
Next Day-Drank the leftovers and the whole new bottle.
Next Day--Grab the BIG wine bottle (or two of the smalls.....) repeat for a month with a couple days every now and then of nothing. After 30 days, sluggish, dull eyes and skin, blood sugar all over the place, the wine tastes like watered down vinegar, doesn't do much of anything but give me a "come-down" like depression. Completely out of touch with my spiritual side and well being. Going down fast. Cancelling plans, saying things I don't mean....shame.
Next Day: Decision- Abstain. Get Sober. DON'T REPEAT. GET A PLAN NOW.
Upcoming days/weeks/months......CONTENTMENT like a warm blanket , endorphins from head to toe, RADIANCE...and so much more. No anxiety. Living n the moment Grateful--more than I ever thought possible.
(Don't wait for cirrhosis, DUI, esophageal varices, depression, isolation from friends and family--get off the elevator on THIS floor while you still can....lest you go straight to the basement. Once the doors open, it's very hard to go back up. For some, it's impossible....wet brain shows up)
Yes, agree, I hear ya. I'm very well aware. I've been there so many times....I really am gonna give it another stretch at the very least. I never thought I could do 40 days realistically because of the number of times I've quit before and relapsed.
I hear you loud and clear, I am aware and afraid of it turning into that. You kinda get this false confidence that you can handle it but it becomes steadily more frequent until it's back to square 1. Will definitely put in the effort and resist cravings in the upcoming days and weeks. I am, however, afraid to commit 100% or saying never again. I feel that would be setting me up for possible failure too.
I will keep coming back. I won't start going on every new monthly threads but I will periodically update and read this board.