I'm not familiar with all of your story, Sweetichick.
I just know that I was really struggling yesterday and that I got a lot of help from reading and posting on here.
The one abiding truth from all of the posts that I read from all of the people in all sorts of situations all over the world is that nothing is improved by drinking. It just puts things on hold and means that they have to be tackled with a fuzzy, alcohol addled mind through the guilt and fatigue.