Thank you for listening.. I want to let go. I just don't know how??? I'm agonizing how he could pull this ****.. I know he's selfish he's using.. I'm not even a thought.. I just can't comprehend it... this it all.. I manage to work hard, keep up w friends, but I'm struggling... like I'll get the call any day that he's dead .. and I know I didn't do this to him.. I chose to be kind. I chose to stick around.. deal w the drama.. I take accountability.. but to just cut someone off who had your back when no one else did.. like did he ever actually care?? Is he even thinking about me?? Is he so shamed??? I've always forgiven him but in falling apart.. I just wanna knows he's alive even if in ever ever see him again.. he needs to find his own way.. I know I can't fix him. I've learned that. I just can't grasp the thought that he cut me off and that's it ...I feel sick and it's getting worse. I have no support because everyone is disgusted I let it go so long .. but it's those glimpses of who he once one. His laugh his voice. It's haunting me. I need to let go. But I'm finding it almost unbearable. I wake up and cry. I can't breathe... I want to find him on one hand and on the other wash My hands of his toxic behaviors that affect me but I dong know how!! Please help!!