I think there is no specific time frame for getting over a codependent relationship. Moving on can be rather quick if one does not do any work on themselves and it could never happen if one does not do any work on themselves.
First we have to get from “them” and blame and anger and resentment to “ourselves” and then once again blame, anger, resentment, guilt, obligation and all of those emotions we have never self evaluated before.
Looking at their issues is fairly easy, they are addicts/alcoholics and they do what addicts/alcohols do. It’s looking at our part in the relationship and answering all of our why’s is how we work are way away from the relationship and into a healthier way of approaching life or as HardLessons said…….being forever changed, which in hindsight is not a bad thing but a positive one.
Why did we not see what was so clear to others about our partners.
Why did we stay so long after discovering their issues, being lied to,
manipulated and used for what ever the A needed or wanted.
Why did we think WE could help them, CHANGE them, show them a different way of life?
All of those questions and more is what we need to address, talk through, open our minds to understand ourselves and most importantly forgive ourselves for what we did not know then.
One of the emotions I hear often is a feeling of shame and embarrassment for not knowing what we didn’t know or took a long time to learn. I remember feeling like a fool because I wished I had truly listened to my friends and family instead of thinking I knew best when it came to him and being so wrong on so many levels made me feel so naïve and made me fearful of making decisions on my own. I had to work through a lot of those feelings and emotions and each and every time I did it was a step forward.
I love this quote………….
When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person that walked into it. That’s what the storm is all about…………Haruki Murakami