Thankyou all so much for your replies, and links to further reading. I will examine the links as soon as I finish this.
Everything you all wrote is what I needed. Some of it took me by surprise such as the comment on the willingness to give himself over to others. Yes, absolutely correct. I was aware of that in the back of my mind but couldn't bring it forward.
Also, the cautions...again, thankyou. One thing I do have is a good set of instincts and one good thing about this relationship is that I've had to strongly rely upon and learn to trust those instincts. So, putting things into perspective the way several of you did has given me a good foundation ...or set of boundaries that I can utilize to protect myself. These are areas where my partner and I need to have discussions.
I pretty much know who I am outside of the alcoholic/drug dependency world. i was married to a man who neither drank nor used drugs for 32 years. He died just a few years ago. Because I know this, it's been doubly difficult to be involved in this relationship, and found it relatively easy for me to set it down and live my own life as time went on.
I'm perfectly content with my own company, have enough to do to keep myself busy if that's what I want to do, or just hang out and rest if I feel I need that. While I don't know many people in this city, I know a few who do know a lot so developing social connections isn't a difficult issue. My interests are very diverse which is also a help. If I'm addicted to anything, it's reading and learning. Once a student, always a student lol!
I realized tonight after visiting hours, that like so many others, I desire a truly loving and intimate relationship with my partner. That's what I'm afraid to hope for. Is he capable of that or am I wasting my time and energy. I keep asking myself.
Secondly, I realized out loud that I've been extremely embarrassed with even associating with this man. He has lots of good qualities, but they've been overshadowed by his addiction behaviors which have been impossible for anyone who knows him to tolerate. He's pretty much burned his bridges.
He will be released Sunday Am from detox, and on the 26th this month he will enter a 30 day recovery facility a few hours from here. After release tomorrow, his sponsor will pick him up and they will go to an AA meeting together. His sponsor gave him the big book which I'm very glad for. My partner was touched by his sponsor's gift.
Once again, thank you so very much for your helpful support. It all feels like a safety fence encircling me.
Blessings!