Hi, my fellow SR members.
As you may know from another thread here I’ve reached 5 years milestone today.
And you know...Not as if I am counting...But I am counting. Not everyday counting as Day 1, Day 2, Day 12. But October 14 stands out for me now as a day when my life changed. I wouldn’t exaggerate to call it my second Birthday.
By the way, I am ok with counting as far as I don’t see a certain number of sober days as an indicator that now I can drink in moderation or have “just one”. I can’t.
Rather it shows me how far I can go. And that one seemingly small change in a lifestyle (just stop buying and drinking wine) multiplied by a distance of five years can result in mind-blowing changes.
So, five years ago I just stopped. Had my last drink late at night on October 13, found SR, logged in, and never had alcohol since then.
And every year I am looking forward to October 14 as my day of miracle. Something that was hard to imagine became reality.
To be honest, I am a little bit moody today. I don’t know why. For some reason my emotions failed to be in “peak condition” for my big day. It’s ok, though.
For my anniversary thread I usually write where I was both physically and emotionally and where I am now. It shows what a person can achieve when free of alcohol influence.
Today my emotions don’t respond to my achievements. I am not “achievement-oriented happy” today. It’s ok too. Tomorrow my emotions will wake up. And I will proceed exactly where I put my good mood on pause. Natural cycle of things. My achievements won’t go anywhere.
But that's not the way it work when I drank. Bad mood was aggravated with destructive influence of alcohol.
Five years ago I was desperate. I had no job and my housing situation was extremely unstable. Aftermath from my childhood trauma still kept me awake lots of nights. I had no idea where to begin to start fixing this mess. I turned out the right start was to quit wine.
Now I have a job, my own apartment, new friends, new hobbies, majorly improved self-confidence. Not perfect by any means. But so me.
Just the other Sunday, on my way back from the gym I had the first, though fleeting, spark of feeling that I am proud of who I am. Unapologetically. No ifs. I’ve been through hell. I’ve survived. I am working on being better. I am proud.
So, what’ I’ve learned:
- The first year, especially first three months is all about staying sober. The body and brain adjust to functioning without alcohol. Emotions are all over the place. I am rebuilding my life to live it happily without alcohol. It’s not rare to hear that first months of sobriety feel like a part-time (or even full-time) job. It is. But my drinking used to consume time worth of part-time job. And somehow it never bothered me. “Before you start doing things better you have to stop doing things worse”. If I don’t drink today I am already in a better place compared to yesterday.
- So, take it easy. Don’t throw too much on yourself. Avoid unnecessary stress. I was so inspired by getting and staying sober that wanted to accomplish a thousand of high-profile achievements within the first year. Not the best idea. Staying sober goes first.
- Plan is your best friend. It’s a must to plan for weekends, dangerous situations which trigger cravings, stressful events and job-related activities. In early sobriety if you rely on “I’ll figure it out somehow”, the power of addiction is still too strong to confront it unprepared.
- Keep building your sobriety system every day. The more tools I have in my sobriety box - the better. Exercising, online-classes, meditation, SR and whatever helps to beat the cravings. Create the system which works for you. There are no dogmas or one-fits-and-works-for-all solutions.
- Accept cyclical nature of life. Highs and lows. Don’t beat yourself over lows. Don’t get too excited about highs. Learn to benefit from both.
- Don’t be afraid to let “friends” go. Those who belong to your alcohol-free life will stay there. Those who measure quality of friendship based on amount of alcohol shared are not real friends.
- Challenge and re-assess believes and values regularly. After five years it became clear most of the values I used to hold to were not mine. And that is why I felt so lost. And scared. And unloved. At some point I let myself got lost. It’s ok. I found my way out.
- Sobriety is superpower against fears. Fear exists in psychological time, when I give it my brain space and emotional resources. When I used to numb myself with wine fear didn’t go anywhere but used this time to grow 100 times bigger and stronger. Clear analysis of a situation and a timely action beat most of fear easily.
- Aim for such a life that, as Richard Branson said, you are so “high on life” you don’t even need any stimulants. Never cease learning and being curious.
- Sober is new normal. Why most people start drinking in the first place? Because everyone does. Who said I should do what everyone else does?
There is so much more, but I''d better stop here.
To sum it up - I am darn glad I made this decision five years ago.
I hope my cloudy mood didn’t rain on the post which was supposed to be encouraging.
I can’t thank SR enough for changing my life.
Love you all.
