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Old 10-12-2017, 11:34 AM
  # 173 (permalink)  
Wholesome
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,109
I have been accused by pretty much every single man I've been in a relationship with of being too independent and cold. The first few times I was defensive about it and kind of hurt but the last few times I just thought, oh here we go again! They are right though and I know why, growing up the way I did I learned that I could only depend on myself and to not expect for my needs to be met. So it's not surprising that as an adult I have a hard time meeting other peoples emotional needs and depending on them. It makes me uncomfortable and I see it as a sign of weakness in others. My mother largely ignored me until I was old enough to become her drinking buddy, I never felt close to her or heard by her until I started drinking and getting high with her.

I'm just glad that I'm breaking the cycle with the family that I've created. I'm modeling that it's possible to change and do better and try to redeem myself. We are in counseling so my boys can talk about this stuff and I'm trying to be more emotionally available to them, as a drinker I was not, just like my mother wasn't. The only thing is that I wish I'd done this sooner.


I tried discussing their alcohol problem on occasions and always found it quite stressful. I was punished emotionally for doing so even though it was out of concern for them and I was made to feel that the issue was with me being 'too sensitive' not with their drinking.


Knowing what you know now about AVRT, do you think that you were really talking to their Beasts who didn't like being challenged about the addiction? I know my oldest son called me out when I was drunk and I did not react well at the time. Ultimately though, that was the reason for me quitting, but I knew about AVRT and I knew that he had tangled with my Beast and the real me thought that was really f*cked up and inspired me to get it together and woman up.
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