TG,
Glad your wife is in rehab, as she is in good care. I agree with the other posters, you are very codependent. I think you need to learn to let them do their work and you worry about your disfunction that you added to this relationship.
I had a saying at my desk "God didn't need my help, as he can take care of each and every addict who reaches out for his help".
Hits some alanon meetings, an addiction therapist or open aa meeting and recognize your contribution as an enabler in your marriage. As you can see, it has gotten you no where. You should have enough on your plate, educating yourself about addiction and codependency, then to be "helping" her with her issues. We need to own our own baggage before we help other people with theirs.
Hugs, you are asking great questions!!