Hi theguy
I am being reminded very much of myself in your post.
No matter how bad the drinking was or the actions or consequences that followed, my concern was always always always all about him. Never about me. By my choice.
Even on days were things were normal. On a plain average day, I would have a thought about what is he doing or not doing or just to text him for whatever. then I text him (because I was good and did not text since the day or two before therefore allowed in my mind)
to get it out the way and when he didn't reply right or in time it would send me off down the road again of anxiety and worry leading to him distancing/drinking etc etc.
My point being your wife is in a facility (i assume of course) with professionals that are trained and experienced in addiction and you feel that you must still be doing something more. Yourself as an everyday person must step in where professionals are experienced.
To me, it speaks of anxiety type behaviour or an unbalanced part of you wanting to overlook your own life to focus on and fix your wife.
You should be using the space to help bring you back to being a healthy balanced partner for your wife. Or whatever else outside addiction needs attending.
Addiction needs a person around to enable the addict to stay functionless. While your wife is being treated, you would encourage her sobriety if you worked on your behaviours that the addiction thrived off.
I know how it feels. I get it. In my case I was guilty of being the over caretaker and people pleaser and denial and we did not work out when I stopped. But I am healthier for it, not him.
Holding thumbs - work on it together.