Originally Posted by
charliesworld 
Good morning. Happy weekend. I hope everyone managed to get some decent sleep.
Linners I'm jealous you live near the sea. I would love that. My favourite thing to do is get out away from everything and walk. I live in a city and there's some green space close to me but not loads. One day I would love to move to the countryside or the coast. It's not possible now.
Brand new life - I completely agree with smells. I love having a scented candle or melt on the go in my house. Feels so cosy.
Julia - I am nearly 40. I'd love to have a sober second half of life.
I've been pondering what caused my last drink. I'm worried about work. I crave financial security because I've never had it for any period of time. My OH is working but he was out of work for a long long time before this job. I don't earn enough to support the whole family so we got in a lot of debt while he wasn't working. Problem is this job is far from secure. The company closing down and everyone being made redundant is constantly hanging over him even though he's been there a year. I'm self employed and things have been really quiet for me and the what if he loses his job again is really playing on my mind. In my job I should be earning loads and I constantly see others in the same profession saying how busy they are. My self esteem in this respect is really low and it had been playing on my mind a lot. When I found out my OH was going to be working away I made the decision there and then that I would drink and I looked forward to it all week. What I'd forgotten was my inability to stop once I'd started and that was how it spilled over for another 2 days. 3 days after that I'm still feeling the consequences.
Another thing is that I replaced the booze with food and although I really want to lose weight I can't seem to stop eating junk food - it makes me lethargic and tired and then I can sleep. I'm running a half marathon next week, I've completely missed out on all training for it this last week. I thought I'd be slimmer by now but I'm still just a fatty running.
I completely acknowledge that I use drinking as a means to stop thinking and to feel better. Something I've done since I was a teenager. It's hard though when I feel I've tried everything else to feel better and nothing has worked. I'd really like to try meditation but find it very difficult to switch off. How has it been working for you Julia?
Hi Charliesworld,
I can definitely relate to work stress and definitely low self esteem. One of the things I've learned with meditation is that nearly all of the negative thoughts we have about ourselves are not true. We make them up. I'm not an expert yogi or anything, but I did take a Mindfullness Based Stress Relief class (MBSR 8 week class) a year and a half ago and after regular meditation for a month or so I had a real profound realization that's hard to explain with words- I can only say that for a moment I experienced the hugest sense of relief I've ever felt. Of course I was still drinking at the time, so it became harder and harder to find time for meditation after the class ended. (I would actually have a glass of wine or two before the class. Hah! I'm just now realizing how hard I was trying to fix myself without addressing the biggest thing) I'm on day 9 now, and I've been meditating, but have found it a bit more difficult. I guess because my mind is working away at a faster clip (some call it anxiety I guess). I tried to post a link to some guided meditations that are MBSR based but the forum won't let me. Just google MBSR guided audio meditations UCSD. I recommend starting with the body scan meditation. Also, if you get a chance to take the 8 week class, it's pretty helpful, but not necessary. I think it's so sad how so many of us drink because we hurt and hurt because we believe thoughts that aren't even true. Okay, well hang in there!