Good morning. Happy weekend. I hope everyone managed to get some decent sleep.
Linners I'm jealous you live near the sea. I would love that. My favourite thing to do is get out away from everything and walk. I live in a city and there's some green space close to me but not loads. One day I would love to move to the countryside or the coast. It's not possible now.
Brand new life - I completely agree with smells. I love having a scented candle or melt on the go in my house. Feels so cosy.
Julia - I am nearly 40. I'd love to have a sober second half of life.
I've been pondering what caused my last drink. I'm worried about work. I crave financial security because I've never had it for any period of time. My OH is working but he was out of work for a long long time before this job. I don't earn enough to support the whole family so we got in a lot of debt while he wasn't working. Problem is this job is far from secure. The company closing down and everyone being made redundant is constantly hanging over him even though he's been there a year. I'm self employed and things have been really quiet for me and the what if he loses his job again is really playing on my mind. In my job I should be earning loads and I constantly see others in the same profession saying how busy they are. My self esteem in this respect is really low and it had been playing on my mind a lot. When I found out my OH was going to be working away I made the decision there and then that I would drink and I looked forward to it all week. What I'd forgotten was my inability to stop once I'd started and that was how it spilled over for another 2 days. 3 days after that I'm still feeling the consequences.
Another thing is that I replaced the booze with food and although I really want to lose weight I can't seem to stop eating junk food - it makes me lethargic and tired and then I can sleep. I'm running a half marathon next week, I've completely missed out on all training for it this last week. I thought I'd be slimmer by now but I'm still just a fatty running.
I completely acknowledge that I use drinking as a means to stop thinking and to feel better. Something I've done since I was a teenager. It's hard though when I feel I've tried everything else to feel better and nothing has worked. I'd really like to try meditation but find it very difficult to switch off. How has it been working for you Julia?