Hello everyone... I guess I’m joining this group. I’m on Day 4.
I quit drinking around 9 years ago when I got divorced. I was sober for about 6 years and I thought, hey, maybe I was overreacting. Maybe I was drinking too much simply because I was going through a rough time in my life. So I decided to try drinking moderately. Within a few months, I knew I couldn’t drink moderately, but I figured I’d just stop “when I was ready.”
Fast forward three years... I’m binge drinking 2-3 nights a week when my daughter is with her dad, I’ve gained a ton of weight, I’m bitter and resentful all the time. It’s embarassing and I hate it.
I tried to work up the courage to go to an A.A. meeting tonight. Couldn’t do it. I pulled in the lot and pulled back out and left.
I don’t have a plan. I know I’m supposed to make a plan but I am too overwhelmed and disappointed in myself to accomplish anything. Posting this semi-pathetic cry for help is my plan today.
I recently read Elizabeth Vargus’s memoir and in it, she talked about being in a rope maze, blindfolded, while at rehab. The way out was simple: ask for help. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I’m awful at asking for help. As a single mom, I’m very proud (including all the negative connotations) of my ability to do everything myself. I don’t even know how to begin to humble myself and ask people for help. That needs to change.