Thanks guys. Honestly I would prefer to take no medication at all. I don't like the idea of knowing I need it. But several doctors have told me that I do in fact have a chemical imbalance, as opposed to situational anxiety/depression, especially given that I have been living with this since childhood.
Truth be told, a couple years ago was probably the right time for a medication adjustment or an add-on, but I was so hesitant to do so and ended up discovering that drinking made me feel really GOOD (temporarily at least)...a quick fix. I def didn't anticipate it making me feel so much crappier in the long run. There is something about knowing I need meds that makes me feel weak, even though I'm aware that when you find the right one it can be life changing.
Pouring myself a drink, sucking it up and pulling myself together seemed like the thing to do. Uh. NOPE.