MLD51

I guess I’ll try my hand at an OP here on weekenders!

As alcoholics and addicts, many of us have trouble asking for help when we need it. Perhaps we think we can handle everything ourselves, we don’t want to be a bother to anyone, or we don’t want to admit things are out of control. In my case, I didn’t feel worthy of help because I had such low self-esteem, and because I had done so much damage while drinking. I really felt like I didn’t deserve anyone’s help or for anyone to care much about me.

But asking for help when we need it is something we all need to learn to do. Life is full of challenges, and we shouldn’t try to go it alone. When I decided I had to get sober, I picked up that 100-pound phone and called a friend I knew was sober and cried and asked him to help me. He immediately stepped up, took me to my first meeting, and was always there for me when I needed anything. In AA, I found lots of wonderful people who would do almost anything to help me or anyone else in the rooms get and stay sober. One of the main tenets of AA is that we help ourselves when we help others. We say “if you want to keep it, you have to give it away.”

Even after we have been sober for a while, life has a way of throwing things at us that can seem overwhelming. Jobs, kids, partners, money, cars breaking down, house repairs - all of these things can cause us a great deal of stress. We may still feel like we can “handle it.” After all - we are sober now, right? We ought to be able to handle anything!

But this is dangerous thinking. If we allow ourselves to get overwhelmed by everyday things (or more serious things, like the illness or death of a loved one), we are risking our sobriety. Trying to handle everything and not reaching out for help can leave us exhausted, irritable, sad, depressed, hopeless. If you are anything like me, this is right when the AV loves to pipe up and say “things couldn’t be much worse - why not drink/use?”

Ask for help. Trust that there are people in your life who care about you and DO want to help. Just ask. Even if all you need is to hear someone here on SR say that they understand and to give you a virtual hug, ask. I am just as guilty of not liking to ask for help as anyone, but I’m working on it.

So this weekend, if you have something you need help with, even if it’s just asking your partner or kids to help you with a household task, make an effort to ask for that help. It may feel awkward or needy, but do it anyway. Asking for help is not weak - it means you are aware of yourself and your limitations. It’s good self-care.

What are you going to ask for help with this weekend?