Rose56

Hi, I am sorry to send out another SOS so soon. I am having a very hard time lately. Last night we had another incident and I am reeling from the effects.

I will try to make this short. Husband spends day painting and then goes to bar in afternoon(I don't know where he is getting the money for this). I come home and start exercising. He drives up the street on his motorcycle. A neighbor drives into our driveway and tells husband that he is driving too fast in the neighborhood on his motorcycle and is scaring his kids. Husband mouths off to the guy and threatens him I think. Guy calls the police and claims that husband has damaged his property(his truck). I see there is a confrontation and I tell husband I don't want to know about it. Husband goes back into neighborhood and talks to other neighbors. I finish exercising, shower and get on the phone on some church business. All the time I feel pretty calm. While I am on the phone another neighbor calls and says husband should be calm that the police are coming. I say I am on the ohone right now and I don't want to get involved. Husband has confrontation with 3 police officers in front yard but I don't see any of it. At one point husband is handcuffed and police threaten to shoot one of our dogs(the small puppy believe it or not-we also have a german shepard which was in the house). I go to my Alanon meeting. When I return, the small puppy is missing, wandering the neighborhood.

Up until this point I did very well to be detached from the situation. But when I find out the dog is loose, I loose my cool. I start challenging my husband, who has returned to painting. I blame him for th dog getting out, when all he is thinking of is how unfair it is that the neighbor challenged him and that the cops came etc. He tells me to get out of is face and I go and call his parents. I do this to upset him and make him look bad. He starts yelling and gets very upset. His father gets very upset. I go out into the neighborhood and find the dog and bring him in. Then I go into my bedroom and cry.

The neighbor that complained has a history of being a troublemaker. He is a local fireman and called his buddies on the police dept to come and put husband in his place. Police were ridiculas to threaten to shoot the puppy, he has never even groweled ant anyone. Husband has a history of getting into violent confrontations with people that challenge him, especially when he is drinking.

So the story is long, sorry. Point is I feel bad about my part in making the situation worse. I am thinking that nothing is going to change and that the only way to move forward in my life is to separate from my husband. I hate to say it again, but I am conflicted about this decision and don't really want to have to take this step. I know you all cannot tell me what to do. I just have to share the pain of never knowing from within myself what to do about this situation. I will call my sister this morning. She is an attorney and talk to her about a separation. I may also make an appointment with an attorney that specializes in divorce, which my sister does not. The pain I am feeling this morning is acute, but I don't feel paniced or like I am rushing into anything. I love my husband and I love our relationship. But perhaps love is not enough. thanks for listening.