Good morning! I hope you stay with us here. We all know what you are facing. How hard it is, the thoughts of "eff it" I will drink. Please remeber the thing you are "effing" is yourself. Healthwise, alcohol will kill you earlier than your time. It will destroy your relationships, your job, it is a dead end. You are not there yet, but why go down that road? Others here have been down that road, it is horrible. I know, you think it won't happen to you, but that is what alcohol does...it destroys.
It is not weak to stop a habit. It is not weak to be healthier. It is not weak to be fully present for your family. It isn't weak to be a good provider and quit spending $$ on alcohol. Alcohol is not a reward for a life well lived. It is not a reward because you have earned it. I used to believe those things. I would do the chores and earn that beer. Once I stopped, just over a year ago, I saw how stupid that idea of reward is, advertising wants you to think that, but why is it a reward to slowly kill myself with alcohol or cigarettes?