I was right where you were 34 days ago. I just could not stop after relapsing. It's almost as if you need some type of miracle. My miracle happened when I broke down crying to my family about something bad that happened to me when drinking. Paradoxically, that bad thing became my miracle, and I now have 33 days sober. I empathize with where you are at right now. My two best suggestions would be AA meetings or inpatient rehab. All the best!