Went home from work yesterday and thankfully my wife was still there! She seems to be quite forgiving and even gave me a hug and told me that she loves me. I'm so lucky to have her, but lay in bed all night awake ashamed of what i had done to this woman.
Although forgiving, she seems more resigned to her fate of the wife of an alcoholic, rather than the positivity that i feel about going forward. Hopefully she will feel this in time and i can repair the damage i have done.
She really does seem like a broken woman and i know that it my fault and cant take back what ive done or said. I had to go downstairs in the middle of the night to save waking her as i was crying uncontrollably with regret about how ive treated her.
On Saturday, we had a great day out shopping...I bought her a new dress, shoes, hand bag and jewellery to go to this wedding. I could see in her face she was excited about putting it all on and looking a million bucks. She was so looking forward to us going out together, a rarity in itself, but to get dressed up too.
On Sunday, when i got really drunk and mean i told her she didnt deserve all the things i bought her and i was taking them all back...such a horrible thing to say...she deserves it alright, and a lot more besides for putting up with me for so long.
Im blessed that shes still here, and im hopeful thats because 90% of our time we are happy and have a great life, its just that other 10% where im drunk and nasty that ruins things. Now ive accepted and admitted my problem, instead of denying and deflecting, hopefully she can heal and we can get through this together.
Thanks for all your support. If anyone else is reading this and relating to my behaviour and hasnt yet admitted you have a problem, then please do and fix things before its too late.