Hope. Hold on to it. My son is a meth addict in recovery. I rode that roller coaster with him until I couldn’t do it anymore. I let him go. I moved far away to live my life. And after I left, he got clean. He has been clean now for over 2 years. He and his SO just welcomed a sweet daughter, he is working (great job), and living his life.
It’s hard being so far away now with a new grandchild in the picture but I am grateful that he is happy and healthy.
I remember when other people would post about their adult child getting clean and sober and I would feel two things.....one was hope.....the other (and I’m somewhat embarrassed to admit this) was envy. Why couldn’t my son get clean and sober? Why them? I think these are normal feelings though.
Letting go of the feelings of being enmeshed with his life and his addiction was the best thing I could do for him, for myself and for others who love us both.
I do not sit in fear of relapse because I have no control. He is reaping the benefits of clean life and hopefully that will hold him. I sit in gratitude each day. I don’t predict the future nor do I focus on the past.
I hope that your son will also find a path to recovery.....whatever that may look like for him. I understand the anguish you are feeling. It is hard to watch our loved ones fall into the grip of addiction.
Take care of you❤️
Gentle hugs
ke